There is a saying in my language, “omo maa pe padi e ni ole”. It loosely translates to mean, “child, do not call your friend weak” or “do not think of your brother as weak or lazy” because they are having a harder time achieving something that came to you easily.
In the time since the contract of my temporary full time role was terminated unceremoniously, I have learnt that there is a dimension of insensitivity that people encase in a well-meaning mein. It is how folks make you feel like there is something wrong with you because you haven’t pulled out a new job out of a hat in record time. Or how they insinuate that it is because you aren’t doing something right, you are being lazy. You aren’t putting in the work or going the extra mile and other such insinuations that doesn’t truly seek to help, as much as put down.
Those insinuations usually come from this lofty place of people who have gone through a phase but have not the ability to recall the waiting, the anxiety, the doubts, the depression that each and every rejection brings. No ability to recall what that process was like for them, now that they have crossed to the other side. Somehow they have gotten a job and they look at everyone else who is still in that phase of waiting and hoping as having fallen short.
Of course, the system also enables that loftiness and high handedness. Recruitment processes have now become such a tug of war, that an offer at hand has become the prize, along with the bragging rights and everything.
A friend told me how one of his folks wouldn’t get off his back because they had gotten a sponsored job. No, this person did not think of how blessed and lucky they were to be in the limited percentage of people able to get that without such a great hassle, especially in the present socioeconomic and political climate . Their reaction was to go at my friend for not doing enough. I have a friend who does something similar. Those random messages and the tone of them never fail to get me in a terrible mood. Not once has he called to offer words of encouragement, support or share his own adaptation for survival during this phase.
One of the humbling lessons that I had to learn was from the scripture that said “the race is not for swift… *but time and chance happeneth to them all* (emphasis mine)
Time and chance happens to us all! We need to learn that we do not get or acheive any of the things that we do because we are the best, smartest, most qualified, etc. Those count but you see, time and chance happens to us all. If only we learnt that timing and luck play such significant roles in our success, it will teach us to give people more grace. The world can really use some more sensitivity, kindness and empathy. You might not be able to feel what people are going through but surely we can extend a little more grace to them.
Never you call your brother a weakling, especially if you haven’t walked a mile in his shoes.
SONGS OF A BLACKBIRD 